Grace and Peace

 I've been studying Galatians with a group of women from my church. An amazing group of women with our ages ranging from 19 - 60's. This is important because I've learned SO much with this rowdy bunch. They are wise, authentic and loving and I am deeply blessed by every one of them. 

I've had a thought lingering that I can't shake from the intro to Galatians.  "Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen" Galatians 1:3-5 

Leave it to Paul to go ahead and present the gospel message in his short introduction of a letter. There is much goodness here, but the words I am stuck on lately are grace and peace. The enduring word commentary says that Paul used this exact phrase five other times in the New Testament. It was a "familiar greeting, drawing from the traditional greetings in both Greek culture (grace) and Jewish culture (peace)."

I'm no Hebrew or Jewish scholar, but I do know the Jews have historically greeted each other with the Hebrew word shalom. According to the University College London shalom means more than just peace, but extends to good health and stems from a root word that means complete or perfect. 

Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." 

The jews understanding of peace with God was/is to fulfill the law. The law that was passed down from Moses, the Torah. They studied and meditated on the law. They strived to keep every law in an effort to have peace with God. 

This proved to be impossible. Enter Jesus.

Isaiah 53:6 says "All we, like sheep, have gone astray, each one has turned to his own way, and the Lord laid upon Him, the iniquity of us all." 

I find it fascinating that this scripture was thought to have been written somewhere between 740 and 686 BC. That's around 700 years before Christ. Whoa. The Him that Isaiah was referring to was not to come into the world for many years. 

Jesus said "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them." Matthew 5:17

In summary - man could never do enough or be "good" enough to reach the standard of God's holiness. Jesus Christ came into the world being fully God and fully man, lived a sinless life, was killed by the jews and then God the Father raised Him from the dead. In the death of Jesus, the penalty for yours and my sins was paid for. Jesus traded us - our sin for His righteousness. And that is enough. Now, anyone who believes in Christ and confesses Him is declared enough by God the Father. 

So back to Paul's greeting of grace and peace. Ephesians 2:8-9 says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." 

Paul, who wrote Ephesians, points to Jesus in his greeting of grace and peace before he even mentions His name. The old testament pointed to Jesus long before He entered this world. The new testament points to Jesus, the life He lived and the life we have available in Him. 

I'm thankful to be living in a time of grace and peace. Those who only lived under the law, before Christ, only knew what was available to them at the time. Our generation lives in a time where grace and peace are made available to us by the loving sacrifice of Jesus, the son of God. It makes me wonder about the times to come and what will be available to those in His full and perfect presence. The time when He returns and restores man and the earth to perfection. Heaven on earth. 

All in all, in my ramblings and wonderings, I find Jesus is the center. Jesus is enough. You can follow the ways of Jesus too. It's all there for you. He is there for you, available to those who would seek and find. 

The Mark of Wisdom

 Wisdom is knowledge applied.

I've had some thoughts rattling around in my mind lately and figured I'd write them down and line them up. Sometimes it gives me better perspective and it always helps me process a thought or concept. 

Have you ever met a person who seemed to be full of information on a topic or all kinds of topics? There are certain people who have a passion for learning and they love to share what they've learned. Often times their sharing comes from a place of passion. 

I'm picturing myself at my local gym. WHY must I tell people what I see that needs correcting? First, I'm bound to be wrong sometimes or more and second, I don't want to be "that guy." The know it all who comes across aggressively to people. I hate the fact that I can do that sometimes. BUT, my passion for sharing what I believe to be correct form and movement often takes over. My intent is to benefit others and I'm compelled to share my thoughts. This is one example of a passionate know it all. 

Apply Grace Here.

Have you ever met a person and walked away from them thinking "whoa...they came on strong?" Maybe they seemed opinionated or talked a LOT. I think of this as clamoring for attention. To demand someone's attention. At first, they appear to have high self-esteem, but if you look deeper I believe you will find insecurity and fear to be at the helm. (All of a sudden, I'm using boat analogies..smh)

We all experience insecurity and fear. It's a part of the basic human experience. We just don't want it determining our actions and controlling our lives. 

I am learning to sit back and watch more often. As opposed to jumping to a judgement about something or someone, categorizing them, and then moving on. It's taken a lot of heartache to bring me to this place. Maybe heartache is a prerequisite to wisdom. Anyways, it's a practice and none of us ever arrives to the place of perfection. The moment we think we have it all figured out, we are served a slice of humble pie in the form of reality.

Somewhere along the way, I landed with the definition of wisdom as knowledge applied. You may know a lot about something (knowledge), but do you know how to apply that knowledge to reality, to a specific situation in every day life? 

You can read all of the books on marriage your heart desires but until you are married and doing life with someone, you can't really know deep down what marriage is like. It's like a college student fresh out of school about to face the "real world." No doubt, their education will benefit them down the road, but first they need experience to afford them opportunities to apply their education. 

I was looking up some verses on wisdom and this one in particular has always caught my attention. Proverbs 17:28 "Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." I can't help but laugh at that verse! 

Well...yeah. Duh. 

And yet... 

it's profound

I have another verse I want to share here. I'm going to write it out in a couple of different versions. It's Proverbs 10:19 (BTW - Proverbs are considered wise sayings)

"Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues." NIV

"Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut." NLT

"When words are many, sin is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise." BSB

This leads me to question myself when I feel compelled to share advice with others. What is my motivation? And you know, sometimes I can't see that my innermost desire is to be seen in a good light. I want to be seen as knowledgeable. I like to be admired.

Ouch. Apply Humility Here.

I'm drawn to people with quiet confidence. I really enjoy learning about people in an open environment, where there is no agenda or ulterior motive. When I know they're not trying to prove themselves to me and I don't need to prove myself to them. I crave connections where we talk and listen to each other mutually. 

This is the kind of person I want to be. I want to show up for you in this way. I want people to experience me as a calm and confident person. I can't control how people experience me though. Everyone's lens is different and it's exhausting trying to fit people with a lens that will allow myself to be seen in a good light. I know. I could write a book about it. Pretty sure I have a diagnosis to confirm this about me. 

And that is where I apply more grace. I apply grace to myself and to others. And as soon as I think I'm wise in my own eyes (Proverbs 3:7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil) I pray the Lord will show me so I can turn from that prideful way of thinking. 

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. James 3:13

Humility is a marker of a life of wisdom. A desire to honor God and others above oneself. Let this be our heart's desire. Then we won't clamor for attention or our own way. Our knees will be quicker to bend and our heads to bow to the authority of God in our lives. And our hearts will be led by love. 

I write this for myself. The irony of this writing is not lost on me. Although, sharing our hearts with others shouldn't be seen as a negative thing. I'm so thankful to be surrounded with a community of people who are loving and open. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts or experiences! I wish I could sit down and talk to you over coffee about this. But for now, I'll keep writing in my online journal and hope someone else will read it and just maybe be stirred to deeper reflection or encouraged. 

Traditions of Old

I appreciate the way traditional churches have kept up with traditions that are meant to be seasonal reminders, set times, built into our schedules to turn our hearts back to God. Biblically I see this was originally established by God in the Old Testament. The first tradition I can think of that God established was the seventh day, a holy day of rest. He Himself rested and established this day as one mankind was to observe also. "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God." There were festivals and other holy days that were established throughout history. These were days set to bring us into remembrance of all the Lord had done. We have these dedicated times to remember because we have a tendency to forget. 

Over the years many people and church bodies have turned their backs on these route traditions because somewhere along the way they saw people relying on traditions instead of the God of the tradition. In an effort to remain authentic and free, they cast off the ways of old. How many times I have seen this over correction. A well-meaning effort that throws the proverbial baby out with the bath water. We are left with a generation of very few sacred traditions. In fact, the traditions we often celebrate are more cultural than holy. But I'll leave that thought for another time. 

I desire opportunities to confess sin, to worship without constraint, to fast and pray, to be reminded that I am connected to a very large group of people who believe in the one true God and have done so for many, many years. I have been grafted into a family, a royal priesthood and long to adopt the ways of old. I am learning, in my mature years, that there is freedom in boundaries and there is beauty in tradition. Something my younger self could not accept. 

My understanding is that Lent begins today, Ash Wednesday and lasts through Easter. It is a 40 (ish) day period set aside to focus on God. People typically choose to fast from or focus on something in particular to them. In prayerful consideration of this I am choosing to fast, if you will, from man's approval and focus on God's approval. This is something I struggle with on a regular basis and my hope is that this will stay at the forefront of my mind during these upcoming 40 days. 

Today I am thankful for new mercies. I thank God for shifting my perspective constantly and returning my wandering heart to Him time and time again. No doubt, this cycle will never end. But, praise God, He is faithful when I am not. Today I choose to step aside and see about this Lent season and look with curiosity and wonder at the people who observe it. May the Lord use this time to bring many wandering hearts and minds back to Himself. 

 

Romantic Cottage

 It wasn't long after my last blog post that we moved into the house. I was out of town for something one weekend and came home to a bed in our bedroom. Donnie had set it up and brought in some furniture. Our old chair and love seat are a bit too big for our new space. But we are making the pieces work for now. 

About a month ago we set up our kitchen. Donnie went to Lowe's and bought unfinished cabinets. I painted them Alpine Trail green. We got the single basin apron front farmhouse sink that I LOVE! It really does solidify the romantic cottage feel I was desiring. The butcher block counters are exactly what I wanted too. We sealed them with a food grade oil. I love the soft texture of them. When the warm sunlight filters through the kitchen windows on Saturday mornings I have sat there for hours reading recipe books or seed packets. Sometimes I'll bring my bar stool over to the kitchen counters and write in my journal there. It's a really lovely place to be on a weekend morning. (I leave the house during the week before the sun is up.)

Unfortunately I haven't been intentional about taking photos

One night last week we had some friends over for dinner and I spilled a little red wine on the butcher block counters. It left a purple stain. I didn't freak out. I didn't give it a second thought honestly. In a moment of realization I told my friend that "houses are meant for us, not us for our houses." The stain is endearing to me now and I'll probably leave it as a reminder of that truth.  

My prayer for this home is that all who enter feel comfortable and welcome immediately. I want it to be a place of rest and refuge. A place of joy and peace. A place where the presence of the Lord is tangible. I get super romantic about it. 

I've never been much of a decorator. In the past decorating felt more like a chore than a joy. But THIS house has inspired me. I'm filling it with functional and/or beautiful things. Like this oil painting I picked up from the Habitat Re-Store. 

I'm studying a lot these days about gardening. Recently I've become fascinated with the concept of Cottage Gardens. That term probably invokes some kind of image for you. I think of tall, wispy flowers on stalks. In doing some research on this the Cottage Garden is really a method of letting flowers grow and spread. It's the picture of a bountiful garden where the plants spill over the sides. It is where plants are given freedom to grow and not set up in small, individual spaces with predetermined sizes for them. And that is just what I want this space, our home, to be. A place where there is room for imagination and freedom. A place where people are more important than things. A place of love in all it's forms. 

Turn the Page

In the beginning things moved so slowly. It seemed like we would spend hours doing a task and see very little progress. The closer we get to finishing the house, the faster things are moving.

 The drywall took FOR-EV-ER. Donnie and I had originally planned to hire that out. He got a quote and didn't like it. He told me we would do it ourselves. Donnie hung all of the sheet rock and I helped here and there with the ceiling pieces. Seeing all of the work that lay before us, he said we would get another quote. It was higher than the first one. So.. I learned to tape and mud and sand. Dang...the sanding. I honestly don't know how those sheet rockers do it. It's a LOT of work!  

Pro Tip: sheet rock dust acts like dry shampoo. Just knock off the excess and rub in the rest. Voila!

Once the walls were all finished we painted the ceilings with Behr Polar Bear White and the walls Behr Simply White. There isn't another color on the walls at the moment. It's such a small space that I thought a darker color would make it feel smaller. 

After the ceiling and walls were all painted we started to get excited. It actually looks like a house now! We hung a couple of light fixtures in the dining and kitchen areas.

Last week Donnie put the backsplash around the fireplace and trimmed it out. We still need to finish the grout. 

Remember me telling you our house used to be a monkey kennel? Yeah, so the main part of the house had two drains in the concrete which required us to level it up before we could lay floor. We mixed concrete ourselves to fill in the majority of it then topped it off with self level. This ended up being quite the project and Donnie said if he had it to do over he would have someone pour concrete. 

We went to Lowe's and picked out our flooring. I really love the extra long and wide vinyl we chose. We went with the waterproof Smartcore Ultra XL in Sherwood Oak. We are 9 boxes away from finishing! 

This weekend we went to the storage building to bring home our kitchen table. It felt like a huge step. I hadn't seen our furniture in over a year! As I looked around I realized all of the pieces we have won't fit into our new home. But enough of that kind of thinking. We were just excited to have our kitchen table! It's big for the space. But we love it so much and can't imagine parting with it. 

(sorry I don't have a better picture)

Donnie and I have always enjoyed hosting friends and family. This was our only hang up with down sizing. We want people to feel welcome and comfortable in our home. We want to make room for guests. It may not seem like a big step to you, but bringing our kitchen table in meant the next chapter for us. 

We were able to invite some friends and family over to play cards. It was such a blessing! Doing life with others is a treasure. The season of Covid has created chasms in our relationships. If it isn't Covid it's politics and people's opinions/rights. I've seen more division in the last year than I can ever remember. I'm so thankful for the page to be turning for us as we begin to do life with others again. We need each other. 

And yes, the Yoga Trapeze is back too! It's that red and orange thing hanging from the ceiling. It's used for stretching and releasing the spine (inversion). There used to be a wooden beam standing in the middle of the living area. Donnie removed it and put up a steel beam for load bearing. Last week he and Luke painted it black and added some round hooks for me. :)

I've learned many lessons through the journey of building our home but I think the greatest one is probably coming to terms with things out of my control. Time tables that never go according to plan. I can't tell you how many times people ask us "so when are you moving in?" And the answer is always the same. I tell them what the next step is. There would be no point in setting an expected date of finish. I mean how do you even determine when it's finished? Seems like there will always be things to do. I look around and see the outside needing siding, the yard needs to be cleaned up, the trim put up, oh and not to mention we will need a kitchen! But I'm taking things one step at a time. Instead of getting overwhelmed and rushing ahead I've learned to enjoy the process as it comes. It wasn't an easy lesson. Flash back to all the nights of tears cried at our camper table feeling like we had bitten off more than we could chew. But in this season I can accept things as they come. And that has been a blessing. 

He’s my Best Friend

Today Donnie and I have been married for 16 years. That's also how many years difference there is between he and I. I am the same age now that Donnie was when we got married. My how time flies and at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago when we were raising our young boys together. 

There is so much I could say about all that we've been through but if feels cliché. No marriage is perfect. One thing that has changed over the years is our friendship. Donnie is my best friend. He knows me better than anyone else. And in this season of our lives we have settled into a rhythm of day to day life. 

I remember when the dream of building our home was only talk. I think we were bored. We used to say we needed a "project." We certainly reached that goal for ourselves. Last night I came home after work to Donnie sanding the sheet rock in the living room. I changed clothes and got to work painting the ceiling of our bedroom and laundry room. The walls in those rooms are officially finished now. Donnie even hung the TV in our room! The TVs seemed normal size in our previous house but now they look HUGE in our little space.

While I was finishing up the painting Donnie put on a pot of soup and made cornbread. We sat down and played a game of chess while eating dinner by the fireplace. This has become our new normal and I find it to be so very sweet. There's a blessing in the ability to enjoy the process of something. Finding contentment in the now. Seeing the beauty in the little things. Learning to appreciate every little accomplishment or even the rest days. 

You guys, I've never found walls to be more beautiful in my life. Everywhere I look I'm noticing sheet rock and wall paper. I've decided to bring some wall paper into our home! I can't wait to show you guys. It's going to be so cute.

I wanted to give a little update on the house but also take a moment to acknowledge how thankful I am to the Lord for bringing Donnie and I together. He was so gracious to us in that season of our lives. Our relationship has changed drastically over the years. It's morphed into something really beautiful. I respect and trust Donnie. We aren't perfect, obviously. But we enjoy each other's company and I think that is such a sweet gift. 

Happy Anniversary Babe. 

Chasing My Tail

When I started this blog I had every intention of sharing our journey with you. You being anyone interested in reading our story. So why has it been six months since my last post??

I have a tendency to care WAY too much about what people think. I let it control me sometimes and become super insecure. The idea of sharing our unconventional lifestyle with the public and opening myself up to everyone's opinions and ridicule would throw me into crippling anxiety. It got pretty bad for a minute. 

Then the Lord, in His kindness, sent someone to help me remember who I am in Jesus Christ. My friend pointed out the lies I've been believing. She reminded me of what is true. God totally used her to pick me up out of the muck I was so comfortable wallowing in. He set my feet on a firm foundation, wiped my eyes clear and knocked off the dirt. Just like us momma's do when our little ones fall down. My Father started to speak tenderly to me. He spoke things to my heart that were hard to hear but incredibly refreshing. The Lord is healing broken places in me and I'm regaining my desire to share with you again.

 

Donnie, Luke, and I have been on the Monkey Farm now for a year. One whole year that feels more like five. There have been moments when I was ready to sell the land and just buy a house. Especially around Christmas time. I love decorating for Christmas and some days I felt a bit trapped. But more days than not we have found joy in our cozy camper and home.

The house is coming along nicely now. Those early days were difficult to gain momentum. The task of building looming large before us. And honestly there were months when we didn't do one thing on the house. When the weather was nice Donnie went fishing, Luke went riding, and I went hiking. But now that winter is here we have been staying pretty steady. 

Here is a before and after of Donnie putting in our bedroom window. 

All of the sheetrock has been hung. 

(The dog in this photo does not belong to us.)

The tile to go around the fireplace is purchased. Donnie built us a really cool iron hearth to sit in front of the fireplace. We need all of the extra seating we can get. It is open underneath to stack wood in the winter. When you live small you look for ways to make things multifunctional.

Isn't my husband a great craftsman? He found a way to bring in some slate for me, lining the base of the hearth. I love slate! 

We spend our evenings and weekends mudding the drywall. I would like to think I've gotten pretty good at it. But honestly I think I've just improved from slinging mud all over the place. 

One of the hardest things for us through this whole process is not being able to invite friends over. We used to host game nights and dinners regularly. Now we rely on the hospitality of others. We are thankful for our friends! 

I'll take some more photos this weekend to share with you our progress. Thanks for reading! 

Blessings